Finding the Remedy to Black Holes
be free girl
(please read with care)
Take a deep breath.
Hi everyone ~!
Now smile.
Wow, this year really has been flying by!
Tell them about how bussssssy you’ve been as an artist. Yes, don’t let them know you’re completely burnout.
There’s been some really big and exciting projects I’ve been working on! I can’t wait to share them with you.
Keep smiling.
The truth is, I’ve really been struggling with my mental health.
Ah yes, make it relatable.
Some days, I don’t even know what I’m doing or why I’m here.
No! Don’t scare them!
I’m okay. I promise. Along with everything happening in this country and the world, there’s always personal and professional hurdles that feel harder to clear.
Well now they’re going to think you’re a failure. See ya.
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I wasn’t sure how to break the ice, that I’ve been absent from here for so long. One of my goals this year was to be more active on this newsletter. Alas, I am here now! I have thought about all the folks who read and support Thistle Dew — I’ve met some of you at shows who have mentioned subscribing, and I just want to say I appreciate you all. It feels nice that people read these.
The last handful of months have been full of some really exciting developments (that I will share about in a moment) and maybe writing them out here, to come back and read, could help me to avoid “the pit.” Lately it feels harder and harder to avoid this ‘pit’, as I call it. I visualize it as an immense black hole, in the middle of a dense forest. There’s a trail around this pit that I’m carefully traversing. I avoid branches and roots, as to not fall back into it — into a difficult headspace.
“Basil’s Book”
Sometimes, no matter how cautiously I navigate around this ravine, I feel like I’m being being swept up into it by some outside force. Inside that darkness, I’m exhausted, I’m scared, I’m also feeling like I should be down here away from everyone. I know I have to use all of my strength to climb out, just to see the silver linings of life and the horizon again. But it’s hard. Even after this all of my experiences of falling into the pit, mustering every ounce of will power to crawl back out of it, my brain still doesn’t overwrite the old programing — the outdated synapsis telling me, “You’re a failure. You’re just like your mom. You don’t matter.” It takes that much more energy to tell myself “You can do it. It’s gonna be okay. You’re stronger than you know.”
The pit seemingly gets smaller, or farther away (I’m not sure) when I expose myself to something brand new; when I can prove to myself that I am stronger than what my past convinces me I am.
This year I’ve been trying to really push myself out of my comfort zone and say “yes” to different opportunities and events. I know in my heart I want to be able to talk about comics, meet new people, and build community — this brings me so much joy and feelings of belonging. My anxiety leads me to say “no” when I overthink about the logistics of getting there (car-less cartoonist) or how much of a financial/time strain it could be. I usually am good about asking for what I need in a processional setting, so the challenge for me comes from not assuming an old answer to my needs, will be the current answer to my needs.
Earlier in the year, I attended an author breakfast event where creators would bounce from table to table speaking with different groups about their books. I’m so glad I was able to attend. It gave me a chance to speak with more creators (shop-talk is so important to a solitary career like an artist), to learn about the current environment in schools and libraries directly from the educators and librarians, and I left feeling very inspired (so far away from the pit!)
I do want to challenge myself to be present and speak about comics where and when I can. Bonus points for spreading the comics propaganda in spaces that are soooo outside of any industry I know, like last week in Detroit.
I had briefly mentioned a year ago that I was working on an illustrated zoning guide for the City of Boise, Idaho. This project seemed like a first for everyone involved. On the city’s and the consultant’s (All Together) side, this was their first foot into a comic-door, to use the medium as a tool for engagement, education, and action. On my end, I have never tackled a book with this subject matter. Ultimately, my inexperience in urban planning did help the creative process of breaking down complex zoning laws to other, everyday, average joes like myself. The city also saw how novel this project was, and pitched it as a panel to the National Planning Conference. The panel, called “Drawing Engagement: How Comics Make Zoning Accessible”, was accepted and we had our talk last week in Detroit.
I am so proud of the entire team and the success of our panel (we’re running away from the pit, now). I heard that we had close to 500 people in attendance for our discussion, which my source (lol) said it was one of the highest attended panels of the conference! Perhaps the inundation of panels earnestly discussing Ai over multiple days really wore folks out.
I’m also clinging to another feeling from this trip. One that I had only realized after I left the Detroit Amtrak station, heading to a nearby comic shop. That it’s been almost 10 years since I’ve traveled solo to a brand new city for a comic event. I had forgotten how it felt to be all on my own in a place where anything I saw was entirely new.
While these experiences of community and belonging stack, the trick is to try to stay steadily planted on the ground and to not slip back into the pit. I don’t think I’ll ever wander so far out of the woods that I’ll forget where that put it, but I can live with it, know it exists, and traipse around it.
Thank you again if you read through this first 2026 Thistle Dew. I do have a lot more I want to share that just didn’t feel right to dump here all at one time. I’m feeling activated by these new experiences and how comics can be a tool for good, as well as feeling energized by flowers sprouting and the sun shining as summer is right around the corner.
More soon,
<3 Andy
A month ago I got to see my all-time favorite band, The Format, make their 20 year return to Chicago. Since I was a teen I’ve always felt in-sync with what Nate is writing about.
“Boycott Heaven 'cause there's gotta be somewhere better far from the sun.”